Anxiety, Fear and Day 1: Little Gray Dress
Some facts from this past weekend: -I freaked out. Like, FREAK out.
-My mom is amazing.
-My dad gives inspiring pep talks. ("The important thing to figure out is if you want to do this. Because I know you, Baby Doll, once you start something you are finishing it. Whenever there is a commitment on the line in life, it is natural to be anxious. That's normal, sweetheart.")
-No one is requiring anything of me; this is self-inflicted, if you will.
-The dress, after all of this anticipation, hype and hope, is simply not that flattering or designed for practical motherhood. (EEK!)
-My identity is really tied to what I wear....oh my.
The pattern arrived and I got it to my mom and she whipped it up in less than 48 hours. Amazing. She found major flaws in the pattern instructions, by the way. Amateur sewers beware. I tried it on Saturday as she needed to see about the hem length.
It's adorable. Don't get me wrong. With a cinched belt, it's so cute. But really any other way I tried it I was less than confident in it's everyday wear. MAJOR BUMMER. I walked away thinking "I will just make it work - because I said I would." I bought the pattern, we got material, and I made a huge deal. Blog readers are waiting....right? (My people pleasing at it's finest hour.)
I felt really stuck. And I was emotionally stuck and sad and beside myself. (Is this really all about a dress?)
Late that night....say around 4am....I just could not get back to sleep after Robby cried out briefly. I felt truly overwhelmed, anxious and fearful. Overwhelmed for what I said I was going to do. Sad that my mom put the time in (though, I am assured by our sweet conversation that she does not care, had fun making it, and supports me wearing whatever, this dress, another or ditching it all) Conflicted in so many ways.
Do I suck it up and make it work, for 180 days? Do I just ditch it all, because, frankly, this is a REALLY long time? Do I use a different dress? Do I......what?
About 5:30am I have a thought about my gray t-shirt cotton dress that I own. It is one of my favorites, very simple and I feel good in it. Can be dressed up or dressed down. Most of all: can lego play, crawl around, play hide and seek and just be a mom in it. As well as write, speak and be on campus in my job with it.
Could I do a little gray dress?
I am going to give it a go.
What drama. Seriously. Thanks for joining me and my journey.
Day 1: Little Gray Dress:
Day 1: Amber's sweet dress who is traveling for Month 1:
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