"I will praise you, O Lord, with all of my heart. I will tell of your wonders." -Psalm 9:1
Rob and I just had a ceremonial snipping off of our NICU bracelets in our kitchen as our son slept in his basket in the living room.
We really are home. I love it. I loved having my husband on the couch holding my son and resting together on Rob's very first father's day. So sweet.
Now that we are home we have a new set of fears and anxiety that we knew would come as new parents. It just happens. You think about and worry about and fuss over your children. I get it now. I have joined the club. I love my son more than I thought I would. Piles more than I imagined.
Robby's last 47 hours went great - and then with one hour to go he had an alarm. My heart dropped through the 3 floors of the hospital and landed on the basement floor with a loud thud. I'm sure it startled the janitor. I couldn't believe it.
Our nurse then called in the doctor and chatted with him in the hall as we sat there and our heads spun. The doctor came waltzing in and said: "I am absolutely confident that Robby is ready to go home. I do not say that lightly and I think he'll do just fine at home." He then asked us about our comfort level with having Robby home and feeding him. Rob and I had to chat through it, fighting fears and anxiety and settled on bringing him home. We could have had him stay in the NICU a few more days. But we trust the doctor and we must trust God.
In so many ways the NICU has been a set of training wheels and it is time to have them off. Each day Robby's brain grows stronger and communicates better to his body how to suck, swallow and breathe well at the same time. He always corrects himself. And our doctor explained that many children are having these episodes as they learn to feed...they cough and sputter and then keep going. We just had him monitored as he did it.
This is the not the kind of beginning to life as a mother as I had anticipated. I am sure it never really is. God reminded me of this verse this morning as I replayed the last 23 NICU days: "We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured not our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Hope is such a tricky thing but I know it was produced in us this past month.
Thank you for walking with us and for praying for Robby. I can't wait for you all to meet him. Same hand washing rules apply.
We are going to take this week and be together as a family. If you would like to visit - just give a call first.
no more days until his due date.....