Comparison: The Thief of Joy
Well, we are taking the plunge. We are Homeschooling Robby next year for Kindergarten. I have all kinds of self -doubt banging around my head and heart. What if I fail (oh, I will....so that settles that one...) What if, what if, what if....so many of these candid fears were addressed by this virtual friend of mine. Lots of Bible scripture in there, if you are that kinda person. But the biggest thing that plagues me (and I know it does many of you, dear readers) is Comparison.
Comparison: when I measure myself against you and then determine my self worth.
Comparison: when I examine someone or something else to note similarities and differences and then stamp myself with a label.
Comparison: something I do to make myself feel better or worse with other people (and DEAR friends!) in my life
Comparison: the very thief of joy in my life. (from Kierkegaard....we think)
All of these little definitions I've posted all center on one thing: others. But I want to center myself on what God thinks of me. And no one else. That's what matters to me. And will matter when it's all over.
A statement I am clinging to from God's Word is:
"Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God. May your good Spirit lead me to level ground." - Psalm 143:10
Whose will? God's will. (not others' wills for my life).
Who do I worship? God. (not others' opinions of me).
Who will lead me? God's good Spirit. (not others views).
What kind of ground will He lead me to? Level. (Not roller coaster, emotional valleys and mountain tops that I am so prone to).
I need to be completely secure that God has a plan for my family and I will walk in it by faith. For my family. What works for us. For who I am, who Rob is, who my children are. For right now. I hope the VERY same for you. That you find security in your choices. And if you feel led to change them, then change them. And if you feel led to change them again, do so.
So, right now I am working through a 10 day "Why are we homeschooling enrichment" with my husband. I realized I will need to have a vision statement and a reality check and a "why, why, why" I am doing this on the days when I might want to throw myself out the window and run away with Olive to find consolation in a coffee, a pastry, an outside jog (all the things I could do when Robby is at a brick and mortar school next year).
We are exploring things like: what are the spiritual, character, academic, social, family advantages of hs-ing? And what are the disadvantages and how do we plan to remedy them? What do I want my children to be like when they leave this home? Great questions any parent could wrestle through.
So, I once said I was giving up Self-Pity for Lent. I am adding Comparison. Giving that up for Lent, too. Anyone else?