Day 5: Resist Becoming Frozen By The Bullseye

Thanks to Anastase Maragos for sharing their work on Unsplash.

Resist Becoming Frozen By The Bullseye  

The July air was thick that week. I was having trouble getting a full breath physically, but also emotionally. We were about three weeks from school starting for my first child. I was wrestling with all the normal school jitters for my son. But also for me. Because about six months before this, I had declared I was homeschooling.

However, with each passing day leading up to school, I was sweating just a little bit more. This was not just the July heat. The plan I had made was starting to overwhelm me. If you know me, sweating usually means I am at a crossroads. Sweating equals uncertainty in my life. Seeking God is the only remedy to my spiritual sweat. 

One of my go-to’s when I don’t know what to do is to go to my knees. It feels a lot like taking my heavy book bag of anxious thoughts I’ve been carrying around, dumping them out on the floor, and asking God to help me sort through them. 

I soon sensed a great release and along with it, the gift of agency. I sensed God say if I didn’t want to homeschool, I didn’t have to. The moment I got honest, I felt free to pivot from the original plan. 

We are often frozen by finding “the one right way” when making a decision. We become obsessed about getting it right. But what if we gave ourselves grace to make a decision, offered ourselves the same grace to pivot if we want to or have to? What if we released ourselves from the bullseye, from others’ opinions, from the fear of looking uncertain–and embraced the grace God has given us to pivot? What freedom we would have for ourselves and others!

Judging yourself or others leaves no room for grace or growth. Give yourself space to make a choice and then the freedom to change your mind. God is with you in the many twists and turns and ups and downs of your path. His grace is enough for you on this windy road. He loves you as you take every single step. The gift we get in this twisty process? We get to be closer to God. 

Friend, stay flexible and open-handed. If we have learned nothing else this season, it is that nothing is concrete. The only solid ground is God’s rock solid love for us. I often think about how trees are flexible in storms. They bend so they won’t break. May we be the same. May our well-laid plans sit in open hands, in palms of grace. Give yourself grace to choose, and grace to change your mind. 

God thank you that there is grace for every part of this decision making process. There is grace to choose, and grace to change my mind. You are with in it all and it’s not about the bullseye. It’s about being with You in this. Thank you for being here. Lead me. Guide me. Amen.

Scripture for Reflection:

2 Cor 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 

James 4:6 

But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

Psalm 32:8

The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you…”

See you tomorrow for our last day!