Amy Seiffert

Let’s be clear. I own you, you do not own me.

I will limit you to 3 items a day. That’s right. Do not try to multiply yourself anymore on my page this year – I have a new baby, a sweet 4 year old boy and a man to love.

I will resist your wily ways: attempting to get me to love crossing you off more than loving people and souls and laughter and togetherness.

I will love Being more than Doing.

You do not run my life, and I can throw you away at a moment’s notice. You are putty in my hands, To Do List. You are silent, your words hold no power. I choose the amount of ink I spill on you.

I Make You. You do not make me.

I am a free agent. Free from achieving tasks, from measuring my success by your agenda, from thinking I have done well if I obey you.

I am choosing peace and rest from you.

To Do List, I do think you are helpful. But again, let’s be clear, I am no slave to you. You most definitely can learn some patience around you. You can wait.

not the store, friends.

The Gap in our lives that points to what we hope things will be, and what they really are.

I was just at IndyCC – a 4 day conference for college students – where the main speaker talked about The Gap.

The Gap between what you hoped your marriage would be, and what it is. (Imagine me putting one hand high (hoped it would be) and my other hand a space below that hand (what it is).

What you hoped your college career would be, and what it is.

What you hoped being a mom would be, and what it is.

What you hoped your spiritual life would be, and what it is.

What you hoped your body would be, and what it is.

What you hoped……you get it. Fill in your blank.

And there are those moments, the speaker talked about, that it IS what you hoped it would be – and it’s amazing. It’s awesome. You feel like you are in your element, doing, being, thinking exactly as you should be. And it’s fleeting……soon back to what it is. Been there?

What do we do with The Gap? Three options: Ignore it, Run away from, or Embrace it.

Ignore it: There is no Gap in my life. It’s perfect. I will smile and tell you so even though I am bored, lying or very hurt inside.
Run Away from it: I will numb it for just a bit. I will eat something indulgent. I will drink just a bit more. I will submerse myself in television.
Embrace it: Let The Gap drive you to the One who created You. Let The Gap take you to Jesus. (And what does that even mean?)

If I embrace The Gap then I look at the space where there is loss of hope fulfilled and I say – yep – I am lacking. I am totally in need. I need Someone greater than my Gap to fill it in for me. The disappointment, apathy, boredom is not how it was supposed to be. But here it is in all of our lives. And I let the Gap drive me to Jesus. And rest in Him. And by faith keep walking in The Gap, embracing and looking my need (Jesus) straight in the face.

(Am I preachin? Can I get an Amen?)

Life as it was supposed to be at Christmas…Daddy and my sister playing with kiddos and laughing….

Emmanuel….it’s a total Christmas word.

You only really hear it during this time of year. For most of my life I had no idea what it meant: God with us. The “with us” God. I love that.

God with us.

This transformed my life to know that God didn’t just create the world, set it into motion and sit back in Heaven to watch us all flounder and try to live it out…but that He said – I want to be with you.

I want to come to you – because you cannot possibly do enough to get to me.

He saw our deep problem of being separated from God by rebellion in our hearts.

He saw that we had no solution on our own.

He decided to be the solution. To be the rescuer. To be with us.

He is not far, He is near.

This God (the One Who spoke and creation burst into being)

This God (the One who holds the mountains in the palm of his hand)

This God (the One who was, and is and is to come)

This God (the One who reigns as King of Kings) – came and lived among humanity.

Now, I know that some of you reading don’t buy into “This God”. Feel very free to be just where you are spiritually. But as each of us sit here today, in this moment in your lives, where would you need God to be with you?

Do you need Emmanuel to be WITH YOU when anxiety overtakes you in your bed at night?

Do you need Emmanuel to be WITH YOU when you are lonely?

Do you need Emmanuel to be WITH YOU when you feel unloved, unwelcomed and unwanted?

Do you need Immanuel to be WITH YOU when there is an emptiness that kinda naws on your soul every now and then….like you are made for more?

Do you need Immanuel to be WITH YOU when your loved when has cancer, when you can’t conceive, when you are out of answers?

For several years of my marriage I needed a WITH-ME God as I struggled, wrestled, wept through infertility. And He was with me. He was with me in the darkness. And he has been with me in the light of my own 2 children now.

Immanuel. God. With. Us.

I invite you to ask Immanuel to be with you if you never have. His very name means that He longs to be with you.

My With-Me God in my two kiddos:

We have officially turned a corner. Praise God.

Olive seems to have little trouble nursing anywhere, anytime, awake, asleep, loud, noisy, whatever. I feel like a new mom for her. It’s like 3 months hit (in 3 days) and we are smooth sailing. “I will nurse her until 3 months….and then…..” That was my last under-my-breath threat in a late night struggle with my sweet girl. {And talk about a struggle. This blog puts it perfectly (perfectly crass and honest and hilarious) recommended by a friend/sister in law.}

And here we are.

One of my biggest fears was pulling off a massive Tree Trimming Christmas party with 60 plus friends AND a newborn. Would she cry her head off the whole night? Would she even nurse after I unzip my party dress and then have to try to redress and feel ready to party again after we duke it out to just eat? Would a simple meal spiral into a wailing session for both party girls? Would she even be able fall asleep in the chaos?

She was a trooper – amazing! We just passed her around at the party and she was the queen in the corner for the night. In fact, she was pretty overstimulated. We put her down and she lay awake, not saying a word, for a half an hour. We kept checking on her and she just was wide-eyed, swaddled and quiet. She finally just drifted into sleep. Sweet Olive.

And a great party it was. One of the best party gifts we received was our dearest friends Marco and Corrine who came in and bartended and served during our party – and mingled as they did. It was wonderful.

May you get to your “3 Months” and turn the corner in whatever capacity you need. Grace and more grace upon you.

I just adore you. If I had a dollar for every time someone said how gorgeous you were, I would be loaded. And then I would use that money toward a mini van – since you did us in, kiddo. I will no longer be zipping around town in my cute, amazing green honda. No, sweet girl, we are moving to the all american mini van.

I also wonder when you will stop fussing and crying between the hours of 6-10pm? You are 10 weeks….I hear colic ends around 3 months…maybe in 2 weeks? Can you tell me?

I also love your smile, your excitement and your sweet little piggers (toes). They are edible. And you, my dear, are one yummy little babe.

Your brother is very fond of you and likes to take your arms and yank on them, thinking they can handle such force – he wants to play with you so badly. He often sets army guys next to you and says they are “for you.” Really, dude? You can handle a lot, and it’s great. Speaking of handling a lot, you take better baths than your big brother – I splash lots of water in your face and you just keep on cooing. Robby sees it and calls you brave. I see it and call you normal.

My dearest Olive, you are growing every day – 10.12 lbs! How wonderful. You have your nursing strike moments….but we work through them. These may be indicative of other strikes you might pull in high school against me and I am practicing being secure about all of that business.

You are  my sweet pumpkin pie, and I am thankful for you on this Thanksgiving Day.

olive on thanksgiving from Amy Seiffert on Vimeo.