Me? Passive Aggressive?!?

Amazing Husband: "Mind if I go shoot some hoops with the guys in our neighborhood around 5:30?"

Snarky Me: "You gunna take all the kids with you?"

Amazing Husband, pauses.....replies: "So, you didn't exactly answer that....?"

Snarky Me: "And all those guys are just going to play through a Sunday family dinner time?"

Amazing Husband appears to no longer be engaging with Snarky Me. Huh. That's weeeeeird. I thought Snarky Me was REALLY communicating. 

Yes. This is an ACTUAL conversation. I understand if you unsubscribe now.

I am not sure why I think being passive aggressive is a good tool in my tool belt for marriage. It is not. It took me about 2 hours to let his hurt sink in, see that I was being an absolute jerk, and then ask for forgiveness, sad-tears and all.

But that didn't give him his opportunity back. That was gone. And so was the fun we were having right before that. The laughter wasn't perched around every corner, ready to play (as it so often is) and neither was the lightheartedness. 

Because Passive Aggressive communication appears light-hearted, but it is a heavy-handed sword

Where's the Do-Over Button? I really wanted to press Rewind (remember that on the VHS?! some of you have no idea what I'm's fine) and try it again.

What would I have said?

Amazing Husband: "Mind if I go shoot some hoops with the guys in our neighborhood around 5:30?"

Spirit-filled Me: "Well, I had plans in my head I didn't tell you about. I was actually hoping to have a family dinner tonight and then take a bike ride with the kids."

I would have just told the truth.

After 15 years of marriage  - if we can't tell the truth - then what on God's green earth are we doing? Marriage has to be about reality, truth-telling, bravely saying what we are thinking in kindness and love, asking for what we need, asking them what they need, trying one another's shoes on for size and see what kind of soul (pun-intended) we are working with. 

It cannot be about saying things in snarky, sarcastic, nonchalant-but-swinging-fists ways. That doesn't sound like the kind of person I want to be tied up with forever and ever.  I wouldn't want to be married to me that afternoon.

I missed an opportunity to practice some soul sharing - for me to gently place my hopes right next to his and have us both take a good, honest look at them for that Sunday afternoon.

It was an opportunity to keep it light, keep us laughing, keep us truth-telling. 

And I blew it.

I can't get over one of my favorite things about my God when I want to hit Rewind. He's always telling us about all the second-chances, all the favor He has for us, all the grace, all the new mercies each day. He LOVES new mercy for every single day. He's not a grudge-holder, a make-you-pay kind of King. Nope. Look at what He says. Praise God. I need fresh, new, never-tiring second chances.  

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
— Lamentations 3:22-23
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Amy Seiffert