Running Up the Stairs*

two by two step, breath, step

up and up

get there, keep getting there

on my way to discover a thought that was down

down in my gut

down, breath, down

deep, inner and quiet

strong and profound and little and ordinary

was it my thought or yours, my death to dreams

or a note sweetly tied to the doorknob of my soul

knock, breath, knock

is this what I heard, what I thought, what was there

that sweet boy: he's going to be your only one

your only one

hear, breath, hear

step, breath, step

beat, heart, beat

beat in my son maybe my only son

only

one

love, heart, love

every minute of his silliness, his songs, his play

his kisses, his wonder, his hands

sweet little hands, little hands

mourn, heart, mourn

laugh, heart, please laugh

two by two

step, breath, step

up and up

get there, keep getting there

*Raw thoughts: got my stupid, glaring-at-me period today. I know why it's called a period. The finality is so sharp; it says Stop Hoping Now. And I'm glad I've chosen gray to wear for half a year. Today I could not handle much more than that.