I realized when I told one of my dearest friends that I get angry - quick, flair up temper angry - and he looked at me sideways - that I haven't been living out loud well. Or something. Vulnerability gives grace and strength. So out loud I go:
I get angry.
I have noticed lately that I have had to apologize to Robby about every other day for raising my voice and just getting angry, quickly. And I keep hearing this from St. James in my head:
"Be quick to listen. Slow to speak. Slow to anger."
Slow, I am not. I walk fast. I talk fast. I have things I want to do, try, make, clean, take care of. Get. Er. Done. And my anger is fast, too. Since noticing this, I have been trying 2 things.
Thing One: Get up in the morning and acknowledge my major need. Get nice and low....humble myself.
Rob and I have thrown ourselves into a purposeful routine of reading God's much needed truth in our lives in the morning with coffee, followed by yoga side by side. In the reading, I am asking God to change me. To slow me down and help me to see my trigger and what to do about it.
Thing Two: Count to five out loud.
My anger has been at my son and his disobedience. He dawdles and whines and complains......you get it. And by the third request out of my mouth- I flip a lid. (He has even said: Momma, you scared me.) Sigh. I don't want him sitting in a counseling office in college counting all the ways I scared him. (wink)
If I feel the lid ready to burst - I say: "Robby, by the time I get to 5 you can either do what I ask or go to your room." Nothing elaborate. Obey or room. Easy for me to say quietly. And I count. Slowly. And this strange thing happens - he gets quick and I get slow. He runs to either get on shoes or put away said item or whatever...and I stand there and breathe out each number. It has been good for each of us. I have felt for the first time some real victory.
1. Admit major need and cling to grace.
May you not be scary. May you find a path. May this be helpful......and if you have any other ideas.....may you graciously pass them on.