Bitter at a Blessing
Does anyone sign up to marry a traveling man? Oh please, please, please! Pick me! I want to have three kiddos with you and then have you leave for days at a time and I will do the work of both of us!! I HOPE that's how it works for our careers!!!! Of course not, get serious. And we can fill in the blank of SO many harder situations and realities and losses and speed bumps and accidents and life changes and.....
The point is: these are the days I get bitter at a blessing. Whew. Yep. I have taken a blessing and called it a curse and declared Bitterness as my name like Naomi did in the book of Ruth in the Bible. She says because of her reality "Don't call me Naomi - call me Bitter." That's pretty bold. I haven't asked any of my friends to stop calling me Amy. Yet.
Let's list the blessings that I am bitter toward on trip weeks:
-That my husband has a job
-That his job is something he is really good at and is successful in
-That, being a wife of three, my husband is alive and well
-That God is providing such gifts (tangible and not) through his job for our family
-That my husband works hard AND works to make it as easy as it can be to leave
The fact that I have a list is embarrassing the farther I get on this post. And the brattier it looks. And yet...there's this thing still here......the reality of it being hard doesn't change. Telling myself others have it harder can help...but that's not the point. Everyone has their Hard. Let's not diminish my Hard and your Hard. It just is.
Rather, let's remove the bitterness and replace it with thankfulness. With joy. With the request that you call me Blessed instead of Amy. That Hard is here - but will I get bitter or will I get better in it?
Even if I have to ask myself which heart-road I will travel by the MINUTE.... who cares? I will work at the recalibration with God and will make lists and will decide that I have a blessing in front of me and a name to call myself. And I can choose Blessed.
And my dearest husband, know that I am over the moon that you're mine. I'm all in. When you are near or far.