Somebody in our house has been struggling to control his or herself when s/he doesn't get her/his way. (Is it me or Robby? Hmmmm) And this certain person needs some major help right now. So we have been using two phrases to help trigger to this special person (Ok, it's Robby - but could easily be me with just sophisticated adult tantrums) that he can do this. He can control himself and choose not to flail around the ground, throw things or wail as if the last chocolate donut has just been eaten across the entire continent.
A. Child wants something his way but it is not for him/ in his best interest/ or he did not ask well for it B. Child begins to whine, crumple and LOSE IT. C. Mom or Dad say: "Robby, can you handle this?" OR "Don't let that whine out...are you going to let it out? Because if you want to whine you need to whine in the other room. No whining zone here." D. He looks at us....starts to pull it together and says: "Yes, I can handle this." Trying to compose and wipe away tears. E. Mom or Dad reply: "Good job, Buddy! Have a Strong Heart." F. Mom or Dad either change subject or make a plan with Robby about what it is he "needs" (wants) and how one could attain this.
Have a strong heart, son. I want him to be able to feel free to cry and LOSE IT - but in a well marked area - in another room, couch or chair. But, ideally, I would like him to learn to control himself so he can keep participating in the fun being had - so he will need a strong heart to do so. Our trigger phrase: can you handle this - has helped us greatly.
I think I need a trigger phrase.....and to have a strong heart. (I don't want to fold anymore laundry! Can you handle this? Have a strong heart!)