That's how I feel many, many days.
Stuck. Stuck waiting. Wanting. Wishing.
For one reason or another - I can just feel so aware of my limits. Stuck in my season of life. Or stuck in a parenting rut. Stuck with a dream or stuck in a place in my job.
But if I actually just stop, and look at it all long enough, I can see more than the limits: there's beauty in these boundaries. Life in the limits.
Like a good old sandbox.
My sandbox is limited and limits are cause for creativity. I've got limited time, limited space, limited resources, limited expertise, limited everything. So what am I going to do about it? With its limits staring me in the face, challenging me, saying: "Well, here it is, girlfriend, work with it. Bring it."
So even in this - even in this tiny space of gymnastics and after school 4th grade boys and endless laundry and work and neighbors and friends and nights of writing and nights of resting - in this sandbox, I can still choose.
What's in my sandbox?
Do I want to run here, there and everywhere slamming back and forth against the sides, like an air-hockey puck?
Do I want more family dinners at the table than eat-on-the-run dinners?
Do I want a rhythm where my Community Group (faith-based group of families, loving God, each other and others around us) is weekly together, sharing life, eating, crying, praying, hoping, laughing, parenting, believing?
Do I want quiet nights in the sunroom with the love of my life, talking endlessly, laughing, stealing kisses?
Do I want space, slowness, stillness?
We can design this season's sandbox. Some stuff just has to go. Some has to be guarded and protected. Some need repair. Some need to find the trash. Could be priorities. Relationships. Stuff. May God give us wisdom and grace.
It feels refreshing to stand in my sandbox, call it good and given by God, and decide what kind of beautiful atmosphere we will create.
No one makes my life the way it is. There is no one to blame for the interior of my sandbox. Choice has always been part of humanity. Even if it's "just" your attitude. And some sandboxes have been more roomy than others. Just depends on the season.
How's your sandbox looking?